Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
