That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
