MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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