his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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