Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
