I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
