through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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