She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
