You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
