he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
