I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
