do herpes really smell.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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