I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
