I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
