Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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