I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
