She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
