You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
