laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
