One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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