Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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