We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize