is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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