Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
