The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
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