matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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