girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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