All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
