Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
