I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
