Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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