Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
