i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
