all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
