dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
