Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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