A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
