i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
