That's intense
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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