Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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