after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Randomize
