I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Blood and glitter go together right?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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