I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
