my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
