Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I will pee on everything he values.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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