I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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