They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
