I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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