I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
