Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I still have a little drunk in my system
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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